Fuck The Red States: A Reflection on Fuck The South
Fuck the South. This is perhaps the greatest thing I have read since the election. I don't know when this was written, or who wrote it, but it sums up everything I feel about the South. Here are some choice quotes:
"Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?"
"No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states."
"All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice."
Being a Massachusetts transplant to Florida, that last one really makes me giggle. What makes me giggle even more are the neocon responses to this rant that don't have a single valid point or refute one damn thing my Northern Blue friend says.
This guy should have realized that his article was trash when he titled it "Don't Fuck The South". He should have stopped there, but he goes on to make it even more hilarious with lines like
"I was born in Memphis, grew up in Phoenix, got married in Nashville, went on my honeymoon in North Carolina, and live in Austin. Many dear friends grew up in and still reside below the Mason-Dixon Line."
And
"...yes, it's ignorant in many ways."
Thank you, Captain Obvious. You are the shining lone star of the South. It wasn't so much the previous statements that made me want to write this as much as the following did:
"The south gave us Johnny Cash, Ray Charles, Michael Jordan, Hank Williams, Tennessee Williams, fried chicken, Gone With The Wind, Truman Capote, pecan pie, barbecue, Mark Twain, and manned flight. The list goes on and on. Thomas Jefferson and George Washington were both from Virginia, both founding fathers and both gun-toting slave owners. If you say 'fuck the South," you're saying fuck Nashville and Charlotte and Charleston, and Atlanta, and Austin, and New Orleans, and Athens, Georgia, the city that gave us the B52s and R.E.M."
(For some reason, this won't post as normal font. This is my reply)
Ok, here goes: I liked "A Boy Named Sue" and the cover of "Hurt", dead, I hate basketball, I hate country music and I'm sure Elvis is angry Hank was mentioned, The Glass Menagerie and A Streetcar Named Desire are highschool level reading (and let's not forget that T. Willians spent a lot of time in Key West and New York), Gone With the Wind sucked and I'd like to see more burning, In Cold Blood doesn't say much for the crime rate in the South, pecan pie was invented by the Karo company, barbecue and fried chicken didn't originate in the South, Mark Twain did a great job satirizing the South and the Wright brothers were not the first to achieve manned flight.
And yes, I am saying fuck Nashville and Charlotte and Charleston, and Atlanta, and Austin, and New Orleans, and all of Georgia, not just Athens. Not only am I saying "Fuck The South". but I am going to elaborate and say "Fuck the Red States" because you redneck neocon freaks always have to get in something like "It's not just the South" or "Other states voted for Bush that weren't Southern", even though the Fuck The South rant didn't mention anything about the election.
I say Fuck The Red States. 26 of the 28 states with the lowest income and highest divorce rate are Red States. The Tax Foundation released a report showing which states benefit from federal tax and which states end up paying for their gain. The top 10 states that get the most while paying the least:
1. D.C. ( A note that this tiny Blue State tops the list has been made)
2. North Dakota
3. New Mexico
4. Mississippi
5. Alaska
6. West Virginia
7. Montana
8. Alabama
9. South Dakota
10. Arkansas
And who supports them?
1. New Jersey
2. Connecticut
3. New Hampshire
4. Nevada
5. Illinois
6. Minnesota
7. Colorado
8. Massachusetts
9. California
10. New York
Do I really need to say more? Fuck The Red States.
"Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?"
"No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states."
"All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice."
Being a Massachusetts transplant to Florida, that last one really makes me giggle. What makes me giggle even more are the neocon responses to this rant that don't have a single valid point or refute one damn thing my Northern Blue friend says.
This guy should have realized that his article was trash when he titled it "Don't Fuck The South". He should have stopped there, but he goes on to make it even more hilarious with lines like
"I was born in Memphis, grew up in Phoenix, got married in Nashville, went on my honeymoon in North Carolina, and live in Austin. Many dear friends grew up in and still reside below the Mason-Dixon Line."
And
"...yes, it's ignorant in many ways."
Thank you, Captain Obvious. You are the shining lone star of the South. It wasn't so much the previous statements that made me want to write this as much as the following did:
"The south gave us Johnny Cash, Ray Charles, Michael Jordan, Hank Williams, Tennessee Williams, fried chicken, Gone With The Wind, Truman Capote, pecan pie, barbecue, Mark Twain, and manned flight. The list goes on and on. Thomas Jefferson and George Washington were both from Virginia, both founding fathers and both gun-toting slave owners. If you say 'fuck the South," you're saying fuck Nashville and Charlotte and Charleston, and Atlanta, and Austin, and New Orleans, and Athens, Georgia, the city that gave us the B52s and R.E.M."
(For some reason, this won't post as normal font. This is my reply)
Ok, here goes: I liked "A Boy Named Sue" and the cover of "Hurt", dead, I hate basketball, I hate country music and I'm sure Elvis is angry Hank was mentioned, The Glass Menagerie and A Streetcar Named Desire are highschool level reading (and let's not forget that T. Willians spent a lot of time in Key West and New York), Gone With the Wind sucked and I'd like to see more burning, In Cold Blood doesn't say much for the crime rate in the South, pecan pie was invented by the Karo company, barbecue and fried chicken didn't originate in the South, Mark Twain did a great job satirizing the South and the Wright brothers were not the first to achieve manned flight.
And yes, I am saying fuck Nashville and Charlotte and Charleston, and Atlanta, and Austin, and New Orleans, and all of Georgia, not just Athens. Not only am I saying "Fuck The South". but I am going to elaborate and say "Fuck the Red States" because you redneck neocon freaks always have to get in something like "It's not just the South" or "Other states voted for Bush that weren't Southern", even though the Fuck The South rant didn't mention anything about the election.
I say Fuck The Red States. 26 of the 28 states with the lowest income and highest divorce rate are Red States. The Tax Foundation released a report showing which states benefit from federal tax and which states end up paying for their gain. The top 10 states that get the most while paying the least:
1. D.C. ( A note that this tiny Blue State tops the list has been made)
2. North Dakota
3. New Mexico
4. Mississippi
5. Alaska
6. West Virginia
7. Montana
8. Alabama
9. South Dakota
10. Arkansas
And who supports them?
1. New Jersey
2. Connecticut
3. New Hampshire
4. Nevada
5. Illinois
6. Minnesota
7. Colorado
8. Massachusetts
9. California
10. New York
Do I really need to say more? Fuck The Red States.
posted by Protagonist at 8:42 AM
3 Comments:
Despite my personal feelings about Tennessee Williams, I have to say that you are amazing [and right] for this. It's a shame everything has to be so divided... but for the life of me, I will never go back to North Carolina.
Thanks for the comment. My feelings toward T. Williams are mixed. I have an odd approach to the American classics.....which mostly involves hating them. It's a generalization, but I have noticed this trend of martyrdom that really pisses me off. But that's just me.
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